I Cherish Your Heart Read online

  “Izzy.” Her eyes flashed to Joel’s as she sat down on the bed.

  Oh god.

  “What’s wrong?” The silence and grave looks passing between both of them was enough to send my panic levels soaring.

  She slowly licked her lips like she was composing herself over what to say. “Your dad is here, he’s outside. He’s been here quite a while, but we never told you. He arrived while you were still in the coma.”

  My eyes widened and snapped to Joel, he clutched my hands tighter witnessing the look of disbelief in my eyes.

  My dad was here?

  After all this time?

  “He’s here?” I just about managed to croak out. He was actually here?

  My mother nodded, she eyed me warily, almost hesitant to carry on. “Yes, and he wants to come in to talk to you, to make amends for all the years he missed. Izzy, he cried when he saw you. He broke down, he was practically inconsolable.” By the look in my mother’s eyes, every word she spoke was true.

  Joel quickly intervened, pressing his lips up against my forehead, leaving them lingering for several moments while I shook in his arms. “Izzy, he just wants to talk. He thought he’d lost you. He just wants to make things right. I think you should speak to him, baby. I know in your heart of hearts that’s what you want too.”

  A tear slipped down my cheek, and he brushed it away, kissing me one last time before he stood up. He unlinked my fingers, breaking all contact and left me alone.

  I took in a deep breath, and my eyes remained closed, the creak of the door soon alerted me of his entrance. Another tear trickled down my face before I even attempted to look at him.

  I felt his warm touch as his arms wrapped around me. My body stiffened at first, and he made to move away, but I pulled him in tighter, feeling that sense of security I had been without all those years. It was like no time had passed, but the sobs that quickly followed were those of grief for the loss of love I had lived without so long.

  His lips pressed against my hair, feeling his body shake with silent sobs while we lost ourselves completely.

  “Dad,” I managed to croak out. His arms pulled me in even tighter while we both shook, tears cascading down our cheeks as emotion seeped out through every pore.

  “”I know, baby girl, I’ve missed you so much too.”

  We clung onto each other for several minutes, taking comfort in the moment we had both waited so long for. He eventually moved away, and his eyes rested upon my tear stained face.

  “Izzy, I thought I’d lost you. All those wasted years, not a day went by I didn’t think about you and Mike. How I wished I could have turned back the clock to have done things differently. I love you both so much. I know I have a new family now, but there wasn’t one day that I didn’t grieve for you both.”

  “I know, Dad. The blame isn’t entirely yours, we had a hand in it too.” I frowned at my words. It wasn’t all his fault, and I didn’t want him living with the guilt.

  “Hey, I’m the adult here, I should have done more. I should have told you how I felt instead of locking the pain away. God, every birthday was like torture. I’d take a long drive and just spend the day by myself, sitting on the beach wondering how you both were. Those days were unbearable, knowing you no longer needed me, that you didn’t care if I was a part of your life anymore.”

  My eyes flashed to his at his words. “Dad, I missed you every single day, but it was hard after what you did to Mum . . .”

  His face dropped, and his eyes glazed over. “I know, I was stupid. It was just one of those foolish mistakes you make in a moment. I never realised the impact it would have. I wasn’t happy with your mother, I stayed for you both but after a while I needed something more.”

  Dad, please . . .” I pleaded.

  “I know you don’t want to hear and I’m not trying to justify it, but sometimes you take comfort in others, regardless of how wrong it is. If I’d known it meant losing you both then I’d have never strayed.”

  I swiped away the tears that were tumbling down my cheeks. “It was the deceit more than anything that was unforgiveable. I never thought you’d be capable of something like that. The values you instilled in me, it was suddenly like you were a stranger, like I never really knew you at all. That’s what hurt the most, you were no longer the dad I loved.”

  He broke out into a sob, and I pulled him near, my fingers stroked his hair as he cried hard into my neck. All the years of misery were unleashed in that one moment. I felt the tears trickle down my own face, crying for what I had lost but I knew from this moment on things were about to change for the better.

  Eventually the tears subsided, and we were composed enough to talk, our words began to flow more smoothly between us. I almost didn’t want him to go, but I knew Joel would be eager for a recap.

  He had barely left when Joel came bustling into the room, his eyes wide in expectation, scanning my face for clues to how it had gone.

  I smiled holding out my arms, and he quickly crossed the room encircling me in a hug. “I’m fine, Joel, it was just so . . .”

  “I know, I can see where you get your emotional side, it certainly isn’t from your mother.”

  We both laughed. My mother rarely cried on any occasion, I definitely took after my dad’s side that way.

  “He’s coming back tomorrow. We didn’t have chance to fully catch up, we spent so long crying.” I chuckled, thinking back to us both bawling like babies, but I felt the reconnection between us. The part of me that I had thought was dead after losing him all those years ago was now brought back to life. The fact he lived thousand of miles away would still be a major barrier, but with technology the father/daughter bond would still exist. I’d still be part of his life no matter the distance that existed between us.

  Food arrived shortly after and Joel only too willingly helped me make my way through each course. My mother left, giving us the space we needed, and much to Joel’s discontent, I made him read the rest of our book. Completing it, we were left with a hangover. Joel started to flick through my list for what to read next, but I explained to him how a book hangover worked. I needed time to get over it, there was no point starting a new book when my head was still living in the other.

  We curled up watching rubbish television and not long after I felt the effects of the day take its toll. Joel snuggled in closer, and I nuzzled my face deeper into his chest, falling asleep with a contented smile on my face.

  Chapter 10 – Forgiveness

  My smile widened the moment my dad walked through the door. His eyes sparkled with love as I was encased in a giant bear hug. He held me for a few moments longer like he didn’t want to let go then reluctantly pulled away. “How’s my baby girl doing today?”

  “Fine,” I quickly lied. I didn’t want to worry him needlessly. The headaches were still bad, but I kept that part to myself, not wanting to cause any concern amongst the family and Joel.

  “I got something that might cheer you up.” He grinned, dipping his hand into his bag.

  “You brought chocolate?” I asked, that was always the best present, but my smile grew even wider when he handed me the Amazon gift card. “Wow £50, really?” My eyes lit up as I mentally calculated how many books I could buy on my never-ending wish list.

  “Well, I’ve got to keep my little bookworm happy.” He winked, placing the gift card down, and I grinned the moment I was left alone. I’d be in a one-clicking frenzy.

  He smiled but a grave look crossed his face, I could tell he was about to broach the subject of Mike. I didn’t want to talk about him. As far as I was concerned we were done, but the look on his face told me my dad thought differently.

  “Izzy, you need to talk to your brother.”

  I pulled away but his hands held onto me, and the steely look that came from his eyes told me he was not about to give up on the conversation. I huffed, turning back around to face him, annoyed he was seriously about to do his best to change my mind.

  Yeah, good l
uck with that one.

  Once I was intent on doing something I really stuck my heels in, but annoyingly I was certain he would try his best to change that.

  A frown crossed his face as his eyes softened, already pleading before the words had even been spoken. “You have to forgive him, Izzy. I’m scared about what will happen. Ever since the accident he has drank himself stupid, his behaviour is getting worse. I don’t think he’ll recover from this without your forgiveness.”

  I gave my dad a stony stare. “Do you know what he did?” Could he seriously justify his behaviour? What he put me through for his own selfish reasons.

  He let out a soft sigh. “Yes, I do, and I’m not condoning his behaviour. God, I’ve made enough mistakes of my own but, Izzy, he was there, he watched the car hit you. He thought you were dead. He’s tortured with the flashbacks. He isn’t sleeping or eating. He drinks himself into an oblivion to deal with the pain. I know things will never be totally back to normal, but please, talk to him, let him apologise. I almost lost my daughter; I don’t want to lose my son as well.”

  His eyes bore deep into mine pleading with me to take that step. A large part of me wanted the suffering to continue, for Mike to feel the pain that I had felt. But I knew deep down I couldn’t bear to see him fall any further.

  I exhaled in frustration and nodded, confirming my agreement to see him, to allow him to apologise. My dad’s eyes filled with relief as he pulled me into a hug. “Thank you, baby girl.”

  I began to cry softly on his shoulder. “I won’t forget what he did though . . .”

  His hand tenderly stroked my hair. “I know, but right now this is enough. He needs your forgiveness to start living again.” Sitting back he brushed away my tears and then his own. We chatted a few minutes longer before he left, he was no doubt off to speak to Mike. I got the feeling he was hanging on by a thread and the sooner he spoke to him the better.

  I didn’t have to open my eyes to know his presence was there. I could feel it the moment he walked into the room, the air changed and the electricity that flowed between us became intense. He lifted my hand gently placing a kiss against my skin and I sighed, he was always a great comfort. My body relaxed within moments like it was in-tune with his touch.

  “How are you?” he asked, his voice almost hesitant. I was guessing he already knew what my dad’s visit was about.

  My eyes slowly opened to witness the steady frown that was beginning to grow. “Okay, you knew, didn’t you?”

  A mixture of fear and sadness crossed his face. I could see he was torn between his loyalty to me and to Mike. “Yeah, he’s not good, Iz. In fact I’m really scared right now. He drinks all the time. He’s missed so much work, they are threatening to fire him. I know what he did was wrong, believe me I lived through it too, but I’m scared that one day he’ll take it too far, that he won’t come back from this.”

  I bit my lip, and my eyes dropped down to my hands that were entwined tight around each other. Even though I wanted him to suffer, I didn’t want this. I didn’t want for my brother to become someone I didn’t recognise. I’d seen that in myself, that haunted, vacant look in the mirror staring back.

  “I said that I’d see him.”

  Joel’s face lit up and instantly filled with a look of relief. “Thanks, baby. You’re not the person to stand by and watch someone fall to pieces. Your heart is too big to pretend you don’t care. No matter what he did, he still deserves your love in times of need.” He shuffled further up the bed, pulling me up and enveloped me in a hug. He was like a soothing balm, my rigid, tight body instantly relaxed under his calm, soothing touch.

  “Want to hear some good news?” he mumbled next to my hair.

  “Always.”

  “You’re being released tomorrow.”

  I leaned back instantly smiling. “Really?”

  He nodded, threading his fingers through mine before lifting my hands and placing gentle, sweet kisses along each of my knuckles. “Yep, you’re free to leave.”

  I smiled, but the look I got back seemed to be more guarded, almost sad. “Is something wrong?” I asked. Why had his mood changed all of a sudden?

  “Well, I won’t get to see you as much when you go home.” His eyes dropped down to avoid the look of disappointment that radiated inside them.

  I grabbed his chin so his eyes once again stared into mine. “Why won’t you see me? You’ll be coming with me.”

  “Izzy, I don’t think . . .”

  “My mother? Oh leave her to me, I’ll use the old I nearly died excuse, she’ll be fine.” I chuckled, but the look he gave me stopped me dead.

  “Don’t joke about things like that, I nearly lost you.” Unshed tears glazed his eyes. God, I was insensitive at times, making a mockery out of something that must have been so heart wrenching for him. If I were in the same shoes, I’d have been beyond devastated having to live through it all.

  “Sorry, baby,” I soothed, pulling him in, curling my fingers into his hair. My lips pressed small, feather light kisses against his cheek. “Joel, you go where I go, there’s no discussion, and if you’re not welcome at home then I’m leaving too.”

  He clung onto me tighter, like fear was ripping right through him at the thought of letting me go. “Iz, you can’t . . . not in your condition.”

  “Shhhh together forever, right? I’m never letting you go.”

  “But . . .”

  I pulled back sharply, grabbing his face with both hands. “No buts, I mean it, I will sort this, and you’re coming home with me, end of.”

  His eyes widened at my forcefulness, and then his face broke out into the most beautiful smile. “God, I love your feisty side.” His lips captured mine, and we fell into a sweet, blissful kiss. No more words were needed.

  * * *

  Are you sure I can’t get you anything else?” my mother asked for the umpteenth time. I’d barely been home an hour, and she was grating on me already. I tried to cut her some slack on the grounds that she had nearly lost me, so I gritted my teeth and smiled politely with a swift no.

  Joel looked on amused, sat beside me on my bed, his fingers entwined in mine so my focus was solely on his soft caresses. He helped to soothe my nerves, he knew how much his touch affected me.

  When my mother left he sat back on the bed, pulling me into a hug, kissing my hair. “She’s only overly fussing, Iz, with what happened.”

  His words made me purse my lips in annoyance. He was right of course, still it didn’t mean I had to be okay with it. I nestled deeper into him, breathing in his scent. “I’m so glad you’re here,” I whispered.

  He snuggled me in tighter. “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” It was true as long as we both existed together there was not a single other thing I needed.

  Well, maybe Maltersers.

  “I still can’t believe you got your mum to let me move back in.” He turned to face me as a smile crept over my face. “What did you say to her?”

  I chuckled, stroking his face. “Let’s just say I used my powers of persuasion to get what I wanted.” I shot him a playful wink and a smile, but he didn’t reciprocate.

  “But this is your mother we’re talking about, she never backs down. I need details.” His eyes widened at the last part while his eyebrows rose in intrigue, but I was not about to regale the conversation back to him. My mother had put up a fight, she’d only backed down at my threat to leave. I didn’t want Joel to suspect my mother was less than pleased with him living here. Without a shadow of a doubt he’d leave and that was not an option, he was staying here with me.

  “All you need to know is we’re together again. Wherever I go, you go. No one’s splitting us up, this time it’s forever.”

  “I like the sound of that.” He sighed into my hair as his fingers gently twirled the ends. This was my heaven being in his arms, and I melted into his touch.

  “I love you, Iz,” he whispered. “With all my heart, it will never belong to anyone else. It only beats your n
ame.”

  “What a beautiful sound.” I sighed, completely overwhelmed by his words.

  “I never want to find out what it feels like to live without you again.” The sadness to his voice made me turn so our faces were practically touching.

  “You’ll never have to.” We’d never have to endure that level of pain again. I didn’t think that I could live through another second of that torture.

  “I hope that’s true,” he whispered so low, his voice tinged with a level of sadness that sent a shiver right through me.

  “With every beat of my heart I know it’s true, I will never want anyone else. My heart will only ever belong to you. You possess me body and soul. I’m yours until the day you decide you no longer need me.”

  Joel’s eyes widened in surprise. “Well, that will never happen, I’m planning on loving you forever, even when we no longer cease to exist, my soul will still crave you for eternity.”

  Wow.

  Oh. My.

  “I think I might have just swooned slightly.”

  “Would that make your top ten if this were a book?” He grinned at my weakness for amazing quotes.

  “Oh definitely, I’d swoon every time I read it, to know it came from your sweet mouth makes it even more special.” My finger brushed along his lips and he smiled, pressing a kiss on the end of my fingertip.

  “I love to make you swoon, to know how my words affect you . . .”

  I sighed knowing only too well how badly he affected me. “Every sweet word you say sets my body on fire. I’ve never felt this way before. It’s only you, Joel, my body only burns for you.”

  “Iz, I . . .”

  I grabbed his face, pulling him in to me. “Just kiss me, Joel,” I panted. I needed his lips on me before I combusted into flames.

  “Oh that I can certainly do.” He smiled in such a delicious way that had me trembling before his lips even touched me.

  I sank into the kiss, feeling a rush of electricity run right through me, setting my body alight. Those lips of his were a dangerous thing; they should really come with a warning.