I Cherish Your Heart Read online

  His thumb gently brushed against my face, his eyes lovingly staring into mine. “I told you I’m never leaving you again.”

  His eyes stared deep into mine, trying to give me the reassurance I so desperately needed. But I’d heard those words before and after living through the last torturous months without him, I wasn’t about to suddenly believe that they could actually be true.

  “You’ve said that before,” I whispered, dropping my eyes down to the sheet, feeling a tear roll down my cheek. My heart couldn’t take any more sadness. I was pretty sure the next time there would be no coming back from this.

  “Hey.” He lifted both my hands in his and pulled me near, but I refused to look at him. The hurt that resided in my eyes would be too much for him to bear. “Izzy, please, look at me.”

  My eyes flicked up from the sheet to lock with his, sadness radiated in his own, and I gasped watching a tear escape and roll down his cheek.

  “I promise this is it. I can’t run anymore, I can’t be without you. I know this now, and despite how hard things get, my heart lies here with you. I’ll never leave your side again. You have me forever.”

  “Promise?” I whispered.

  A smile touched his lips. “I promise with all my heart.” He lifted my hand and placed it over his heart, feeling the steady beat beneath my fingers. He lifted my chin and brushed his lips against mine, just losing myself in the sweet sensation of his kiss.

  After a few moments I pulled away in complete horror. “Oh god,” I mumbled, covering my mouth, feeling completely mortified.

  “What is it, Iz? You’re scaring me.” A mixture of confusion and fear crossed his face.

  “Well it’s . . .”

  “What?”

  “I’m kissing you, and I have coma breath.” I clutched my mouth once again. I needed an industrial strength mint after eight long days without brushing.

  Oh the horror.

  Joel chuckled loudly, amusement spreading across his face. I was glad he found it funny. The fact I had death breath was enough to stop me seeing the humour in the situation.

  His head flew back unleashing the laughter while complete embarrassment seeped into my every pore.

  “What? It’s true, don’t come near me!” I warned.

  Joel stood up, shaking his head, quickly making his way out the door. Several moments later, he returned with a plastic cup in hand. “This will sweeten you up. It’s your favourite, a caramel latte.”

  My eyes widened in agreement, taking the cup and enjoying the sweet sensation that engulfed my taste buds.

  He inched in closer to whisper in my ear. “Remember, you didn’t get that from me.” He shot me a playful wink and I saluted in response, barely drawing breath, taking short, sweet sips of heaven.

  Throwing the cup into the bin after taking the final sip, I motioned for Joel to come back over. He smiled sitting up close as my fingers weaved into his hair guiding him to where I needed to be.

  “What about the coma breath?” he whispered, his eyes still crinkled with humour.

  “I’m pretty sure you’re safe.” I winked, drawing his lips to mine

  “I love you, Iz,” he breathed. “And I’m never letting you go.”

  “Good,” I whispered, just as his lips touched mine.

  I was right where I needed to be.

  * * *

  My mother stopped by shortly after. She’d cried for the first twenty minutes, which had been slightly awkward. But thankfully Joel had left us to give us some space and avoided the embarrassment. Mike had supposedly been outside in the waiting room, but after several minutes of my mother’s gentle persuasion, I was no further forward in accepting his apology. She left not long after with tears in her eyes. I knew it was wrong to put her in the middle of our fight, but right now I couldn’t even contemplate forgiving him.

  Joel came back in moments later with a concerned look on his face, taking in my sad demeanour. “Hey, are okay? You look tired.” He sat down on the bed and lifted my hand to his lips, kissing each fingertip.

  “I shouldn’t be after being out cold for eight days, but I somehow can’t seem to keep my eyes open.” The weariness was taking its toll, I was barely functioning, my eyes felt so heavy.

  “Come on, let me get you comfortable, and you can have a nap.” He smiled, straightening out my pillows before pressing a sweet kiss against my skin.

  “Will you stay with me?” I mumbled barely coherent, the drugs now beginning to takeover.

  “Of course.”

  I sighed and a soft smile touched my lips before I fell into a contented sleep.

  * * *

  I stirred a while later feeling Joel’s fingers still interlaced with my own. I popped open an eye to find him smiling back. He had the television on low, but quickly turned it off the moment my eyes fully opened. He grabbed the beaker of water, guiding the straw into my mouth, and I took a welcoming sip. The cold water felt good against my dry, tight throat.

  He placed it back down, drawing me into a soft kiss, moving away my finger brushed against the cool gold band, and I stared at his hand in surprise.

  “You’re still wearing it?” I asked, looking shocked as my fingertips traced along the ring.

  “I said I’d never take it off.” His eyes looked hurt and disappointed that I thought differently. I didn’t want to allow myself that luxury to think that maybe he had stayed monogamous the whole time.

  “I just . . . well, I didn’t want to presume.”

  He smiled softly, though his eyes quickly shot to my ring-less finger. A frown took over before he allowed himself a few moments to speak. “I found this in the drawer with all your personal belongings.” He pulled out my chain with the ring still attached. A level of sadness filled his eyes at the knowledge I had stopped wearing the ring that held so much promise to our union together.

  “I never took it off,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. A tear rolled down my cheek at the realisation he thought I had, like I dismissed him as easily as that. “Everyone told me to move on, that I had to take it off to accept the fact you had moved on and you were never coming back. But I couldn’t, my heart wouldn’t allow me to. So I did the next best thing, I put it on a chain that rested against my heart. You were always with me, just away from prying eyes. I kept you close, every minute of every day.” I watched Joel’s eyes begin to glaze over, filled with so much emotion.

  I grabbed his hand, pressing my lips against the gold. Joel’s fingers curled around mine before he pulled me in close. “Thank you for not taking it off, for keeping your vow.”

  “Always.” He pulled back to brush his lips against mine. He slipped the ring from the chain, placing it back on my finger, almost like it had never left. He then placed a kiss against it before saying, “You’ll always have my heart.”

  I stroked my finger along his cheek as fresh tears escaped from my eyes. Drawing him in so we were barely inches away, I said, “And you’ll always have mine.”

  * * *

  “Izzy, I know you’re nervous, but I promise you it’s not as bad as it looks,” Joel soothed as I cringed, trying to avoid the mirror that was now sat in front of me. I didn’t want to see it, to witness the scar this close up, but the doctors and everyone agreed that in order to move forward I had to take the leap and come to terms with what had happened.

  I’d already been pre-warned that a portion of my head had been shaved and in its place sat an ugly scar. I knew once I saw it I’d be devastated. Ignorance was definitely bliss on this occasion.

  Joel’s eyes gently persuaded me to be brave, but I could see the level of fear they held for what my reaction would be.

  Could I do this?

  I hesitantly lifted the mirror, biting down hard on my lip. My eyes automatically closed, and I took in a deep breath trying to compose myself before the moment of truth.

  The moment my eyes zeroed in on the repulsive scar a sob broke free. I threw down the mirror in disgust at the shocking vision before me.
Joel caught me as I collapsed into his arms, shaking while endless tears rolled down my cheeks. I clutched at him bringing him in tighter, needing the comfort of his body right now. His soothing words were meant to offer some reassurance but nothing would appease me. I looked like a monster. How could he even bear to look at me?

  “It’s not that bad,” he whispered like he was scared to even say the words out loud, but I knew he was lying. I’d just saw evidence of that.

  “I’m a monster,” I cried, as more tears streamed down my face.

  I felt him stiffen at my words, and I was quickly pulled upright so our faces were practically touching.

  “Don’t ever say that.” His eyes were wide, and the anger that flashed inside them slightly unnerved me. I tried pulling away, but he held on tight. “You’ll never be less than perfect in my eyes.”

  “Yeah, right.” He was just saying it to make me feel better, anyone could see I was hideously ugly.

  “Your hair will grow over the scar; soon it won’t be noticeable at all.”

  “I’ll still know it’s there,” I snapped. It would always be there, taunting me, reminding me.

  He sat back and a look of hurt flashed across his face. His comforting hands left my body, and I suddenly felt bereft.

  “That scar will always be beautiful to me.”

  My eyes flashed to his. Was he being serious right now?

  “It’s there because it saved your life.” His eyes now glazed over, and he took several deep breaths before continuing. “Do you know what it was like for me getting the phone call saying you were critical, that you might not even make it?”

  A tear trickled down my face at the realisation of the level of pain he must have gone through in that moment. I was being selfish, and right now I hated myself for it.

  “Do you know what it felt like feeling powerless? Driving here to know you might not still be alive, that I’d never get to . . .” His voice broke, and a tear slipped down his cheek. He hung his head, no longer able to look into my selfish eyes. I had never really thought of the impact it had on him. Now it was staring right in front of me. I felt so guilty being confronted with the ugly truth.

  “Joel,” I whispered, scared of his reaction as his head snapped up.

  “Izzy, I had eight long days praying and pleading for you to wake up. The doctors barely gave us any reassurances. I could see it in their eyes, they were just as uncertain what kind of recovery you’d make, but I never lost hope. You’re a fighter, you’ve always had that spark inside you, so determined to succeed. Please don’t let something like this break your spirit. It’s just hair, it will grow back, but this . . .” His lips brushed just beside my scar, the skin still so tender. “This is beautiful to me. It gave me a second chance to prove to you how much I love you, to show you how happy I will make you for the rest of our lives.”

  His sweet words only succeeded in making me break out into a full-blown sob. He instantly pulled me close, consoling me, trying to calm my agitated state.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, my voice barely audible while I cried hard into his chest, the sense of guilt so unbearably overwhelming.

  “There’s nothing to be sorry for, I just needed you to know. Hey, look at me, Iz,” he urged but I couldn’t, right now I was being a coward. I pushed my face further into his chest. I knew he was waiting for a response, but I didn’t quite feel I had everything under control just yet. But within seconds his scent and soothing touch sent a wave of calm through me, and I soon felt strong enough to stare into those beautiful blue eyes that had broken me only moments earlier.

  “Forgive me,” I begged.

  “My beautiful brave girl, there’s nothing to forgive.” He pressed his lips against mine, and in an instant I forgot everything.

  The nurse came in a while later to monitor and top up my meds. After making sure I was settled back in bed, he opened my Kindle at my request to begin reading. Due to the severe headaches I was experiencing reading was out of the question for a while. But bringing in Joel was even better, hearing my books read with the silky tone of his voice was a perfect combination. Even once the headaches subsided, I knew I needed to make this a regular event.

  The cast was becoming more annoying by the day, it restricted my every movement and was doing my mood no favour. It was ugly, plain and bulky. The next six weeks were going to drag so bad till I’d finally have it removed.

  After a few hours of reading, I let Joel have a break only for him to give me that smile that reduced me to a puddle.

  “What?” The look on his face was priceless as he jumped up grabbing a pen from the drawer and handed me my Kindle.

  I held it in confusion as he sat back down, moving my leg onto his lap. I raised an eyebrow in intrigue wondering what the hell he was doing.

  “Open up your Kindle and tell me your best bookmarked quotes, I’m going to write them all over so when you look down all you’ll see are the sweet words that make you swoon.”

  I almost swooned at his sweet words. “How do you know about my bookmarked pages?” I asked slightly intrigued. Men never knew about these kind of things.

  “Well in between your naps a guy has got to keep himself amused and looking at those quotes, I have some stiff competition.”

  “Well, we ladies love our book boyfriends.”

  An amused grin touched his lips. “Book boyfriends?”

  “Yeah, that’s what we call hot guys in books that we wish were real.”

  His eyebrows rose in surprise. “And do you have any book boyfriends?”

  Yeah, lots.

  “Oh yeah, what girl doesn’t.” I rolled my eyes at the absurdity of it all. I could see I had already piqued his interest.

  “Do you have a favourite book boyfriend?”

  My lips curled up into a smile just thinking about him. “Of course.”

  “Who?” he asked a little too quickly. I could see a waver of jealousy flash in his eyes as I bit my lip. Was I about to reveal my number one book boyfriend? Could he handle the level of love I held for this man?

  I kept it brief and straight to the point. “His name is Kellan, and he’s in a band.”

  Joel shuffled further towards me. “Hmm rock star, hey? Well, Kellan needs to watch out.” He moved so close our mouths were barely inches apart. My eyes dropped down to his perfect lips before lifting back up to see his eyes sparkle with amusement.

  “You’d make a good book boyfriend.”

  “Oh yeah, why’s that?”

  I smiled while my eyes flicked over that perfect body. “Well, you’ve got the right credentials.”

  He lifted an eyebrow in intrigue. “Like what?”

  Like he even needed to ask.

  “Well . . .” I breathed. “A book boyfriend has got to be very hot, have a ripped body and a face that would take your breath away.” I watched the flush rise slowly in his cheeks before continuing. “He can come in all different varieties, sweet, cowboy, alpha, biker, fighter and well, the general bad boy.”

  “So which one appeals to you?”

  “Oh, I like the tattooed bad boys.” I bit my lip, watching a smile touch his before a frown crossed his face.

  “Correction, I like the reformed tattooed bad boys that get tamed by their girlfriends.” I pulled him in, and the frown instantly left his face only for a huge smile to take its place.

  “Well, I’d definitely fit under that category, ’cause you have definitely tamed me.”

  “I know.” I winked, quickly silencing him with a kiss.

  * * *

  “I seriously don’t think we can fit anymore.” Joel chuckled as he sat back replacing the cap on the marker, his eyes scanning over his handiwork.

  I smiled looking down at the cast now covered in quotes. Joel had taken photos from every angle to show me. The end result looked amazing.

  “So Kellan, Travis, Liam and Gabriel seem to be your favourite, have I got competition now?”

  “Well, I got to keep you on your toes
in case you don’t rise to the occasion.” A huge smile crossed my face watching his eyebrows lift at my response.

  “Oh baby, I certainly will always make sure of that, just wait till you’re better.” He gave me a wink and a look that I felt certain he’d keep his part of the bargain.

  “Well until then, let’s get back to Archer.” I tapped his face lightly, handing him the Kindle before snuggling down against the pillows as Joel pursed his lips.

  “Can we not read something else? This book is kind of sad.”

  “I noticed you filling up last time.” I chuckled at his sombre face despite the fact I’d had to swipe several tears of my own away.

  “But it’s just so . . .”

  “I know but Archer has a beautiful soul besides the heartbreak we need to see him get his happy ending.”

  He frowned at my words. “But what if he doesn’t?”

  “Trust me, Archer will get his happily ever after, I’d bet my life on it.”

  I nuzzled back further into the cushions, and Joel handed me my box of Maltesers and several tissues, sneakily tucking one inside his hand for himself. He sighed, clicking open the Kindle and I smiled, closing my eyes while his silky, soft voice filled the air.

  Chapter 9 – Reunited

  I awoke with a start a while later to hear strained voices in the background filtering through the gap in the door. My eyes flashed to the door wondering what the commotion was. Joel walked back in seconds later frowning when he noticed I was awake. His concerned look was enough to send a shiver of fear right through me.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, staring at Joel and then at my mother when she walked through the door with an equally sombre expression on her face. Joel took my hands, stroking them soothingly, which only aided in fanning the fear flames inside.

  I winced as I tried to sit up. Joel helped to guide me so I was in a more comfortable position. My mother walked nearer the bed, but the grave look she wore and the hesitant look in her eyes had me instantly feeling uneasy.