I Cherish Your Heart Read online

I smiled taking a handful of popcorn from the bowl. I was sure he definitely would.

  Chapter 12 – Reconnection

  A week had passed and I was beginning to grow stronger. The headaches were fading, and Joel was keeping a regular smile on my face. He’d done that a lot lately, although he wouldn’t let me reciprocate, treating me like glass like I would shatter at any moment. I just wanted him to be happy too, I could see the need in his eyes. I was pretty sure he was on the brink of combustion.

  I lay awake staring into the dark abyss wishing Joel were here by my side. My door cranked open to reveal my dream come true, all six foot two of him standing in the doorway. He quickly closed the door, dashing across the room and within moments his body was pressed up against mine.

  “I just needed to see you. God, I miss lying next to you, being this close to you,” he breathed, snuggling up tight against me.

  I shuffled ’round to face him, even in the darkness I knew his eyes were pained as desire radiated through him. I wanted him and right now I knew I had to have him.

  My lips brushed against his. “Joel, I need you.”

  His breath hitched and despite the silence, I could tell he more than needed me too. My hand skimmed along his warm skin, trailing down the length of his stomach till it rested on his growing bulge. He gasped when I dipped my fingers inside the cotton material, placing his forehead against mine. “Oh god, Iz, I want you so much.”

  His words were my undoing. “Then have me, I’m yours, Joel.”

  He froze for several moments, I knew it all was to do with my injury, but I was so over being treated like a fragile ornament.

  I grabbed his hand, pushing it beneath the satin and he gasped. “I need you, Joel now, don’t make me wait.” I barely had time to plead any further when his mouth instantly locked on mine. He didn’t need any more persuasion then?

  His tongue entwined with mine as his fingers continued to do undo me in that special way. It didn’t take long before I was moaning deep into his mouth, but I wanted more.

  I felt the bed shift as he quickly removed his boxers, but then he froze.

  Oh god, do not do this to me.

  “Joel,” I whisper yelled.

  “Iz, we can’t.” I could hear the longing in his voice, so why was he now telling me no?

  “But Joel . . .” I was seriously about to burst into flames.

  He pulled away slightly, losing the connection. “We don’t have anything, Iz.” He huffed and blew out an air of frustration.

  I sighed with relief. “Yes, we do, the secret stash.”

  “You still have them?” Before I had chance to speak the drawer was flung open, moments later his body was back pressed up against mine.

  I groaned when he pushed his way deep inside. It was pure heaven. My eyes rolled back in delight, enjoying the familiar sensation.

  Joel moaned deep into my neck. “Oh god, Iz.”

  A smile touched my lips at his words, I felt exactly the same.

  “I never thought I’d . . . Izzy.”

  “Shh it’s okay, I know. Please I need you so much.” I groaned when he started to move, each thrust providing such pleasure. I knew it wouldn’t take long, I was virtually on the brink already. Every part of me ached and welcomed the pleasure that I had been without for so long. My body felt alive for the first time in months. The orgasm that ripped through me was intense, my nails bit into his back as pleasure flooded every part of me.

  Joel followed moments later. His breath tickled my face as he pressed his forehead against mine. I could tell he needed more than a moment to come down from his high. “Are you okay, baby?” he whispered and I giggled, making him chuckle.

  “I’m more than okay. I’d almost forgotten how amazing it was.”

  “Me too, god, it was perfect. Exactly how I dreamt it every night.”

  “That’s some dream.”

  His chest vibrated with a low laughter against mine. “The best.”

  My hand stroked his cheek, and he leaned into my touch. “You were always in mine. It was my favourite place to be, to lose myself in you every night. It made the day more bearable.”

  He sighed like the words mirrored exactly how he felt. “Me too, baby.” He turned us so I was in a more comfortable position, though every part of us was still connected like we didn’t want to break the bond.

  “I’d better get back . . .”

  “No,” I snapped.

  “Izzy, I have to . . .”

  “Not yet, just hold me, please, just hold me till I fall asleep.”

  His lips brushed against my hair. “I can do that, baby.”

  I sighed, snuggling into his chest.

  He was here, and it was perfect.

  I felt his loving touch when his fingers caressed the skin on my lower back lulling me into a beautiful, blissful sleep.

  * * *

  I awoke to an empty space beside me, but the crumpled sheet and the sweet tenderness I felt was a good enough indicator I hadn’t dreamt the whole thing.

  My mother walked in carrying a tray loaded with food, knocking me out of the replay in my head. I grinned in delight, god, I was ravenous. I needed to replete my energy after last night’s activities.

  Like a moth to a flame, Joel walked in moments later, following the smell of food. He grinned as he sat down, quickly pecking my still swollen lips before launching into devouring my breakfast.

  I rolled my eyes at his lack of manners. I gave up trying to mark my territory long ago, when it came to food he helped himself regardless. After polishing off the majority of the tray, he took a final sip of juice before placing the tray back down on the ground.

  He nuzzled into me and his delicious scent overwhelmed me. My fingers weaved through his wet hair fresh from the shower while he nibbled gently on my skin. “So last night was . . .”

  “Amazing . . .” I sighed.

  It truly was.

  “I wish your mother wasn’t home.”

  I grimaced at his words. Ugh, me too. “Joel, you need to get going to work, remember?” I chuckled at his look of annoyance. I guess he’d forgotten that small detail.

  “Don’t remind me, I’d rather be here wrapped around your hot little body.”

  I grinned at his words. “We have tonight,” I breathed, and his eyes widened in surprise. “You want to risk it again?”

  “For another orgasm like that? Absolutely.”

  He grinned in delight. “So I rocked your world, did I?”

  I rolled my eyes. Oh please like he needed the added ego boost. “You know you always do.”

  He stroked his nose against mine. “That’s good to know. I’ve got to keep my girl happy.”

  “I think you can see by my face you’re more than doing a good job.”

  “I’ve got to go before this conversation gets out of hand.”

  I pouted in protest. Every part of me wanted him again right now.

  “Don’t pout, you know what that does to me.”

  I wanted him to do something, which was the whole point.

  “Okay, see you later, I guess.”

  He grabbed my chin, holding me in place, his mouth barely inches from mine. “I’ll make sure to make it up to you later.”

  “I’m counting on it.” I huffed, sinking back into the pillow.

  “Oh baby, I’m definitely going to rock your world.” He winked before adding. “And it won’t be just the one time.”

  A grin spread across my face, tonight couldn’t come fast enough.

  * * *

  Elijah paid his usual daily visit, bringing his collection of chick flick DVDs. We sat making our way through the popcorn, eating non-stop till the end credits finally rolled. Of course he’d made his usual running commentary throughout, I’d learnt over the months to tune him out. I’d just nod and feign interest while he rambled on about the clothes, the men, what he could do to them, and said line upon line before the words were out of the actors’ mouths.

  Tidying up, I pic
ked the last few remnants of popcorn, tossing them in to the bin. Only to look up to see Elijah stood, biting his lip as a look of anxiety crossed his face.

  Oh god, this was not good.

  He opened his mouth and then hesitated, tossing the DVD into his bag before sitting down on the bed.

  “Iz . . .”

  My eyes widened.

  “Iz, I need to talk to you about Ryan.”

  My face dropped in horror. I didn’t want to discuss it. I didn’t want to go there.

  “Elijah, just drop it,” I whispered, trying to turn away from his intense, pleading eyes that were boring into me.

  He grabbed me, pulling me back around so my face was pressed into his sweet smelling chest.

  “He’s a mess, Iz, I’m scared. He blames himself for the accident; he says it’s all his fault. He’s been drinking, missing college. You would barely recognise him at the moment. You need to talk to him; it’s the only way he’ll listen. I know things ended on bad terms.”

  That was an understatement.

  “But you need to do this, please, you’re the only one who can help him.”

  I groaned deep into Elijah’s chest, his words made sense, but the ostrich part of me wanted to bury my head deep and not have to deal with the whole situation. ‘Okay,” I whispered so low, hoping he wouldn’t hear but he squeezed me tighter in response to my words.

  “Thank you, Iz, my sweet brave girl.”

  I didn’t feel brave at the moment, if I had two functioning legs right now I’d have run a mile.

  He pulled back, placing a soft kiss against my forehead. “I’ll ring him and let him know. How about tomorrow?”

  I grimaced at the short timeframe. I was hoping weeks, maybe months from now, but that was only wishful thinking.

  “The sooner it’s over, the better you’ll feel,” he suggested, his eyes prompting me to make the right decision.

  “Fine, tomorrow,” I snapped, dropping down onto the pillow. I knew within the blink of an eye it would be here, and I’d have to face the inevitable.

  * * *

  I threw down the remote in a huff, television was doing nothing to keep my mind occupied, it always came back to the same thing. My eyes flicked up to the clock, Ryan would be her in less than thirty minutes. What do I say? Our last encounter had gone horribly wrong, but I also knew I couldn’t let him continue down the path of blaming himself for something he had no part in.

  When the knock finally came, I held my breath. “Come in.” I finally managed to croak out.

  The door cranked open slightly and a pair of concerned eyes stared back. I could see he was trying to maintain a level of control, which helped to ease my own nerves slightly.

  “Hey, Ryan.” I smiled but the look he shot me back soon knocked the smile from my face, watching his automatically crumple. So I did the only thing I could and opened my arms, welcoming him into a hug. We stayed like that for several minutes till he finally pulled away, his sobs easing off as he wiped the last of the remaining tears away. I settled back on the bed, and he sat down beside me. Our hands still entwined as my fingers provided small strokes of reassurance. He licked his lips several times, his eyes focused on mine, and I waited until he was fully composed to speak.

  “Iz, I’m so sorry, the things I said were unforgiveable.” He closed his eyes like he was too ashamed to look at me any longer.

  I squeezed his hand lightly. “Ryan, none of this is your fault so stop blaming yourself. The things you said were true. I led you on knowing your feelings towards me. I should have shut it down sooner, but I guess I was scared to lose you . . .”

  He grabbed both hands, squeezing them till I found the strength to look back into his eyes. “You’ll never lose me, Iz. I can’t deny the feelings I have for you, but I knew from the start where we stood. I tried to persuade you different, but I’ve always known that your heart always belonged to someone else.” He smiled but it didn’t quite touch his eyes, it was all one brave act for my benefit.

  “I know but I was still selfish in using you, but I needed you. When you were around the day just felt a little brighter, and I could breathe a little bit easier.”

  He smiled, and his hand gripped mine tighter. “I’m glad I could offer you that small respite from the pain.”

  “But it was wrong, Ryan, what about your pain? Your feelings? God, you shouldn’t want to spend time with me after what I’ve done.”

  A tear rolled down my cheek. I had been a complete thoughtless bitch.

  “Hey, that’s all in the past, we move on today. I still want to be friends, and I still want you in my life.”

  “But why? Wouldn’t it be easier to forget me? I just cause you pain and sadness.” I closed my eyes, allowing myself to fall into a whirlpool of guilt. I was descending down, my own shame dragging me under.

  Ryan’s arms enveloped me into a hug. I sighed into his chest as the tears continued to flow. “Shh Iz, you’ll always be my number one person, regardless of if we’re friends or not. I refuse to let you go, I’ve got to have my Izzy fix.”

  I chuckled into his chest. “But you know I’m with Joel.” I pulled away, almost hesitant to look into his eyes.

  “I know, but you’re with the person that owns your heart, and I can live with that. I can live with seeing you happy.”

  “But what about your happiness?”

  He kept a smile fixed on his face, but the sadness radiated in his eyes. I wanted him happy too. “Oh you know me, I’ll soon have my eye on someone else, once summer is over there will be plenty of new girls to practice my flirting skills on.” We both laughed as we knew that would be true. I squeezed his hand in a silent thank you; his bravado was a way of lessening my own guilt.

  “Anyway that’s enough of this sentimental stuff, let’s get to the real reason why I’ve come ’round.”

  “And why is that?” I asked intrigued.

  He grabbed my laptop, quickly loading up the internet. “Well, you agreed to be my zombie buddy watching The Walking Dead, I can’t do this alone.”

  He gave me a wink and I smiled, remembering our conversation a few weeks back. He was surprised at my level of excitement at the thought of watching zombies get their heads bashed in to save mankind.

  “Well, if we’re going to do this you need to get some snacks, you know where the kitchen is.”

  He grinned standing up, giving me a look of surprise. “Okay Miss Bossy Boots, your wish is my command.” He bowed and I giggled.

  “Oh and don’t forget . . .”

  “I know, the Maltesers. I’m not some rookie. I do remember your obsession.”

  He shook his head in amusement, slipping through the door to head back downstairs. I sighed in contentment at having my friend back. Things were finally getting back to normal.

  Four episodes later I admitted defeat, and Ryan left a short while later, allowing me to have a well deserved nap. His promise to return to watch the rest was enough for me to let him go. I finally felt free of the guilt and fell into a contented sleep. Well until those soft, sweet lips I knew so well finally roused me in the most delicious way. I smiled as he placed small, gentle kisses over every inch of my face.

  “Open your eyes, beautiful,” he whispered, his voice sending tingles right through me.

  God, he was good.

  My eyes fluttered open to stare into his hypnotic blue. “I missed you today, baby, been counting down the minutes till I got to do this. He pressed his lips softly against mine, and I pulled in a breath, opening slightly, allowing him to slide his tongue in so he could entwine with mine. My fingers weaved through his hair, holding him tight as our mouths created a natural rhythm. I knew I would never have enough of him.

  He eventually pulled away, much to my annoyance. “Well, someone has definitely missed me too. He raised his eyebrows in that sexy knowing way. “So what have you been up to today? Has Elijah been around crying over Titanic?” I chuckled at the memory. We’d watched it last week, and it took him an
hour to calm down after the credits rolled.

  “Actually I had another visitor . . . Ryan called around to see me.”

  Joel’s face dropped in shock, but then he quickly recovered. “Oh yeah, what did he want?” His tone was light, but I could see a hint of jealously there in his eyes, no matter how hard he worked to disguise it.

  “To make amends, to apologise, he blamed himself for the accident, but I put him straight about us. I don’t want him living with unbearable guilt, the accident was nothing to do with him.”

  “So when you say you put him straight . . .” His voice sounded almost hesitant.

  “It’s okay, Joel, he knows where my heart lies.”

  A smile crossed my face, and I grabbed his hand lifting it up to my lips. I pressed a gentle kiss there before moving away. “It will only ever be you, Joel.”

  He sighed in contentment at my words, drawing me in so we were barely inches apart. “I love hearing that you’re mine, only mine.”

  “I’ll never belong to anyone else.”

  It was true, he owned me body and soul, he was my forever and I was his.

  Chapter 13 – No Place Like Home

  The big day had finally arrived. It had been six long weeks with my leg imprisoned inside this cast. I was hours away from its removal, and I should have been grinning from ear to ear, but my mind was on other matters. Over the past month I noticed a change in Joel, the way he acted around me, his hesitance to spend any time whatsoever with me. The same old excuses rolled off his lips, he was working, he was tired. I wasn’t that stupid to see it there in his eyes. Despite his promises, I could feel the air change around us, the electricity gone. There hung a sense of awkwardness like the short time we spent together was forced.

  His overall mood had changed, like it was more out of obligation that he spent the briefest of times with me. At first I refused to acknowledge it, blaming it on my overactive mind. But I had been right from the start, something had changed, and I couldn’t pinpoint that moment when it had happened. I lay for hours dwelling, going over and over each conversation. The tension between us was unbearable. It was almost a relief when he left, so I no longer had to stare into the eyes of a stranger. Ryan had been my rock and after finishing with the zombies, we’d practically made our way through all the different box sets on Netflix. It helped to keep my mind busy from wandering into those dark places I thought I’d never have to go again.