I Cherish Your Heart Read online

“Sweetie, your eyes were out on stalks throughout, imagine up front and personal.”

  “I’d explode.” It was true. I couldn’t handle that level of hotness so near.

  “Me too, but it would be so worth it.” We both laughed together, it so definitely would.

  “Was Ryan miffed he couldn’t come over?” Elijah asked, picking up a handful of popcorn, shovelling it all in his mouth.

  “I don’t think naked men writhing on stage is his thing.”

  I didn’t really blame him.

  “I’m so glad.” He grinned. “I needed a bit of alone time with you. He sure is tagging along lately, are you sure there’s nothing going on?” His eyes stared into mine longer than I liked, and I felt a prickle run through me.

  My face dropped at his accusation. “Elijah, I’m not remotely interested, men and women can be just friends, you know.” It always came down to the same thing, and I was sick of having to defend our friendship.

  His eyes narrowed like he was deep in thought. “Hmm, I think he wants way more.”

  Oh god. I hope that wasn’t true and just Elijah’s overactive imagination as usual.

  “Well, he knows how I feel. Right now friendship is all I can offer.”

  Elijah placed the bowl down with a huff. “Let’s stop talking about Ryan and get back to more important things like me.”

  I rolled my eyes, and he stuck out his tongue in jest. “How are you and Sam?”

  “Just the same.” He sighed, looking a little dejected.

  I moved nearer, threading my fingers through his. “It’s because it’s the end of the financial year, you know he gets snowballed around this time.”

  “I guess. I just feel like we’ve lost the spark. I don’t know, things just seem different, and I’m scared.” His eyes dropped down to the floor, and I knew that look all too well.

  “You just need to help each other remember. Take time out of your busy day to discover each other.” Wow, hark at me and my wise words.

  “When did you get all councillor on me with your expert advice?” he asked, looking amused.

  “Well, it’s hardly like I’m in a position to give you advice, look at my life.”

  It was a bloody car crash.

  He frowned at my words. “It will get better, Iz. I can see signs already that you’re beginning to get stronger.”

  “I hope so.”

  “Now what do you say we go all out with pizza and ice-cream?”

  Ahh food, the ultimate distraction.

  “Perfect.”

  “Know what’s more perfect?” He quirked an eyebrow as a mischievous smile stretched across his face

  “What?” I asked, now feeling slightly intrigued.

  “More Channing.”

  Yes!

  “Wow, you read my mind.”

  He pulled me in tighter, placing a sweet kiss against my hair. “This is why I’ll always be your best friend, I know you so well.”

  I pulled away slightly to look at him. “Yeah, you maybe know too much.”

  “It’s okay, I’ll never tell.” His eyes misted over slightly. “Iz, you know how much you mean to me. I know you might think that you leaned on me through the whole Joel leaving, but I don’t think you’ll ever realise how much I need you. When I thought I’d lost you it was beyond . . .” His words trailed off, and I pulled him into a hug.

  “Hey, we don’t need to go over old ground again. I was just so angry, but I should never have taken it out on you. I guess you hurt the ones you love, your heart was in the right place, I was just being a bitch.”

  A hard bitch.

  “Well, at least I don’t have to worry about you not holding your own against me. I do have a tendency to be a little overpowering.”

  Hmm a little?

  Slight exaggeration.

  “Never.” I shot him a wink as I moved away.

  “Ha bloody ha.” He stuck his tongue out in retaliation.

  “If I ever do it again though, Iz, please tell me.” He put on a more serious face, and I could see there was still a little hesitation there.

  “Don’t worry, I will. Now Elijah, quit yapping and order the pizza already.”

  “Wow, you really can be bossy sometimes.” He jumped up and saluted me in mock obedience.

  “Oh you love it really.”

  “You know me.” He gave me a cheeky wink, walking off to order. I quickly brought up my contact list, clicking on Sam’s number and within four rings he picked up.

  “Hey Iz, nice surprise.”

  “Hey Sam, look I know you’re busy, but I need to meet up and have a little chat with you.”

  “Is there something wrong? Is Elijah okay?” His cheery voice instantly took on a more serious tone.

  “I can’t really get into it now, I don’t want Elijah to hear, just meet me for a coffee tomorrow morning at Gino’s and we can discuss it then.”

  “Let me just check my diary . . . ten thirty okay for you?”

  “Perfect, see you then.” I’d barely disconnected when Elijah came bounding through.

  “Well, the pizza’s ordered, now for the second round of Channing night.” He grinned, replacing the old DVD with the new. As the credits began to roll, he smiled looking at me slightly bewildered.”

  “Are you okay, Iz?”

  “I’m fine, everything’s just fine.”

  I really hoped it would be.

  Chapter 5 – Mixed Signals

  When I received a random unreadable text a couple of days later I knew my plan was working. A few seconds later a more readable one came through. Elijah was coming around obviously to give me the good news. I smiled sipping on my coffee. I needed all the caffeine I could get to keep up with his jovial mood today.

  Five minutes later he came bounding through the door, his smile was so wide he was practically beaming. He was just bursting to give me the good news, but I already knew what he was about to say. I had helped organise it, but for the sake of raining on his parade I pretended like I was totally clueless.

  “Oh my god, Iz, you will never guess what . . .”

  “What?” I asked, ready to put on my best surprised face.

  “Sam is taking me to Paris.” His squeal could have been heard by the whole road, but I didn’t care I’d potentially lost my hearing, just seeing a smile that wide on his face was enough.

  “Not only that we are going to be going to St Tropez but Monte Carlo too. Can you just see me there, Iz? Oh my god, I need a new wardrobe!” I could see the cogs turning in his head as he mentally worked out what his holiday wardrobe would entail. It would have to be perfect for him to enjoy it, after all he was the king of fashion; he wouldn’t settle for anything less.

  “Wow, that’s amazing, when do you go?”

  “Next week. Oh god, Iz, it’s going to be fabulous and just what I need, the chance to reconnect to find each other again.”

  “Sounds perfect.”

  “I know, it’s just really funny how he would know to book somewhere that I’ve always wanted to go. I’ve never mentioned it before.”

  “Errr . . . well, Paris is the city of love so where else would you go to reconnect, and he knows how stylish you are, that you’d want to visit the other regions.” I hoped he was buying my lie. I wasn’t the best person to try to fool him, he usually saw right through me.

  He frowned, looking at his watch. “Sweetie, I need to go and shop, I’ve already been online but need to see if I can pick up any fab finds in the shops. Do you fancy coming along?”

  “Err . . .” My eyes bulged in panic while my mind tried to come up with an amazing excuse. It had to be one that was viable enough to help me escape the torture.

  “It’s okay, sweetie, I know your aversion to shopping by now. I was joking, now give me a hug.” He gave me a twisted smile, and I glared at his not so funny joke. I walked over to embrace him, seeing the emotion building on his face.

  “Thank you, Iz, for so much.”

  I pulled away in surprise.
“Hey, I didn’t do anything.”

  “You know sometimes I think that you couldn’t be any more selfless, and then you go and show me what it means to have a true friend. I love you so much. I just wish I could return the favour. I wish I could help mend you and put you back together.”

  “I’m getting there, just taking tiny baby steps, eventually in time.” My voice trailed off, I was lying for Elijah’s benefit, my words held no conviction but for him I’d act like I wasn’t still broken inside.

  “I know you will, that would be my one wish to you to see you happy again.” A tear trickled down his face as I felt my own, but those kind of wishes only happened in story books, but for his sake I would pretend. Even though in my heart I already knew I’d never feel that level of happiness again.

  “Oh god, look at the time I’d better get going. I’ll be in touch later to tell you what I got.”

  I humoured him and smiled, he would take great delight in keeping me updated. In a flash he was gone, and I texted Sam a quick reply.

  Thank you for making him happy x

  * * *

  After a whirlwind of a week where Elijah almost had me driven crazy with what he deemed as the perfect Parisian wardrobe. I was more than happy to wave them both off as Ryan and I stood watching the train leave St Pancreas station. Elijah had given Ryan a friendly warning before he had left, I had caught the tail end of the conversation. I smiled as Elijah had threatened him knowing Ryan would have thought the whole thing hilarious, but played it like he was taking it seriously. At least Elijah went away thinking he had instilled some fear inside him, even though I knew Ryan would make it his mission to jokingly refer to it at any available opportunity.

  The week was filled with random photographs being sent. Elijah documented each part of the trip, uploading hundreds onto Facebook. I had to smile at his enthusiasm to capture every moment. They both looked extremely happy, the break away was just what was needed. Ryan was more than keeping me company, sometimes it was a little too much. Elijah had made him swear to take care of me, but I almost felt stifled at times. Each day was filled with non-stop activities that were slowly driving me wild. I yearned to just curl up on my bed with my Kindle and lose myself in a good book. I’d tried dodging him the last few days but it was to no avail, I was pretty sure he was fast becoming my stalker.

  On the day before Elijah was due home I was lying on my bed in my sweats. After completing a gruelling assignment for college, my reward to myself was leisurely enjoying an afternoon’s peace and quiet curled up with my Kindle. I groaned the moment my text alert went off imagining just who it would be.

  Ryan: What are you doing?

  Me: Reading

  Ryan: Want to do something fun?

  Me: No thanks

  Ryan: Go on it will be good, I promise ;)

  Me: Yeah…still no

  Ryan: Aww, you made me sad :(

  Me: Boo hoo you’ll get over it

  Ryan: Wow, you’re so cruel

  Me: Thanks, I’ll take that as a compliment

  Ryan: So mean :(

  Me: :D

  Ryan: What if I begged…

  Me: Nope

  Ryan: What if I said there was chocolate involved?

  Me: What kind of chocolate?

  Ryan: Ahh caught your attention now…

  Me: Only mildly…

  Ryan: There’s a chocolate fair in town, there will be more chocolate than you could shake a stick at, what do you say?

  Me: Can you not go and buy the chocolate and just deliver it to me?

  Ryan: Who am I, your man slave?

  Me: Yep

  Ryan: No, you have to come with me

  Me: But I’m so comfortable

  Ryan: Think of the chocolate…

  Me: Okay, but it had better be good!

  Ryan: It will be I promise ;)

  Me: What time are you picking me up?

  Ryan: Be there in an hour if that’s okay?

  Me: Yep, that’s fine

  Ryan: It’s a date

  Me: Errr did I miss something?

  Ryan: It’s a joke Iz, see you soon

  I stared at the screen for what felt like hours, my eyes hovering over the same word. Date? I hoped he wasn’t getting the wrong impression. We were just friends, nothing else. I finally got my act together, showering and dressing, then blow-drying my hair. I decided to wear it down today. It just felt like one of those days.

  I was ready to go when the familiar knock at the door came, opening the door to a grinning Ryan.

  “Hey Iz, looking sexy as ever.”

  I rolled my eyes in annoyance. “Ryan, if you’re going to hit on me then I’m not going.” I made to walk away, but he grabbed my arm, squeezing it lightly.

  “Sorry, Iz, I’ll be good, I promise.” He crossed his heart, playfully pleading with his eyes, offering me his elbow to take. I slipped my arm through his, and we walked down the driveway on our way to chocolate heaven.

  There were too many stalls to count, each one filled with every kind of chocolate imaginable. My eyes were out on stalks taking in every single piece of rich chocolatey goodness. The best thing were the free samples. Ryan had hit a few stalls as I chatted to one lady before buying a little chocolate basket. It was my treat for me to enjoy with my new Kindle book I had downloaded earlier—hot tattooed fighter meets his match against a feisty female. It was a tale I’d read numerous times before but it never got old. I didn’t know what I’d be drooling over more the hot BB or the chocolate.

  As I made to walk away, Ryan slipped his arm through mine almost scaring me. “Jeez, Ryan, a hello would be nice.

  “Hello.” He smiled, giving me a cheeky wink. “I’ve got a nice surprise for you.”

  I stopped and narrowed my eyes. “Is it a good surprise?”

  “Oh, you’ll love this one.” He bit his lip, trying to suppress his smile. If it was some form of trick that would scare me senseless, he was heading for a sharp dig in his nuts.

  “Why do you look weird? Are you about to trick me?” I asked, feeling a little uneasy.

  “Always so suspicious.” He rolled his eyes and grinned at my comment.

  “I can’t think why?” Ryan had played so many pranks on me I’d lost count, I was on my last nerve with him.

  “I don’t want it,” I said walking off, no longer interested.

  “Oh, you’ll like this.” He stopped me, holding out a bag of delicious goodies. “I went ’round and got lots of free samples. I did promise you more chocolate that you could shake a stick at.”

  My glare softened at his sweet gesture. “Aww Ryan, well, you know my weakness.” I grinned when he handed over the goods; the bag was almost full. I would be devouring the lot the moment I got home.

  “Come on, let’s go this way, they have a giant chocolate fondue fountain.”

  “Well then lead the way.” My mouth was already watering before I’d even clapped eyes on it.

  “Oh, you are going to love this.”

  I flinched slightly when he threaded his fingers through mine. He felt me shiver I was certain, but that only made him hold on tighter, giving me no choice. I chose to try to ignore it as a warning sign. Elijah and I held hands and we were just friends, but my head was telling me with this small act he would read far too much into it, then what it actually was.

  My mind was taken off it when I stood in awe, gazing at the giant chocolate fondue fountain. “Holy shit, it’s my dream come true.”

  “Told you,” Ryan retorted, pulling me nearer looking smug. There were every kind of sweet treat available to dip in it, but I went for the original and best. Grabbing a marshmallow, I held it under the stream of chocolate before devouring the lot. Ryan grinned doing the exact same. After several goes I decided to call it quits, I could already feel like I had met my limit.

  “Just one more,” Ryan suggested, offering me another. I shook my head; it would tip me over the edge.

  “Go on, you know you want to.” He held the s
tick towards me, but I stepped back declining the delicious goodness. I’d had more than enough. The next thing I felt was the warm, runny chocolate when he dabbed the marshmallow on my nose, leaving a trail of chocolate behind.

  His thumb reached out and swiped it, licking it off. “Mmm, tastes so good.”

  I immediately froze. My mind transported back to that moment with Joel and the cream. It was a memory that now haunted me, and I felt sick at the sudden reminder. It was like I had been punched hard in the stomach, I couldn’t breathe.

  “I need to go,” I snapped, pushing past Ryan who was just stood there looking bewildered.

  “Iz, what’s up?” he shouted after me.

  A tear trickled down my cheek. “I can’t do this anymore, Ryan.”

  “Do what?”

  “This.” I flailed my arms up between us both. “I try to pretend we’re friends, but I know you want more but I can’t give you that.”

  “Why not?” he asked, as a flash of hurt crossed his face.

  “Because it’s not that easy.”

  “I can wait,” he whispered, and my heart dropped at his response. How could I tell him that I didn’t feel a single thing for him? That my heart was closed off forever.

  “Ryan, it’s never going to happen. I’m sorry if I’ve given you false hope, but we can’t be together.”

  “Why, Izzy?” he asked, almost forcefully, the anger there in his words at my refusal. He wasn’t giving up and accepting my decision.

  “Because I never stopped loving him, he owns my heart,” I shouted. My voice wobbled almost turning into a sob, but I had to stay strong, I couldn’t lose it here.

  “But he’s gone, and he’s never coming back!” Ryan snapped back. His response was like a knife twisting in my heart.