I Cherish Your Heart Read online

  “I’m sorry, Iz,” Elijah whispered, his warm breath tickling my face.

  My eyes slowly opened. “Hey, there’s nothing to apologise for. If anything, I’m the one to blame—”

  “Shh, it was all me, being melodramatic as usual. I don’t do things by halves, do I?” He tried to make a joke of it, but I saw the fear in his eyes last night when he wasn’t able to masquerade his true feelings, like he normally did in life.

  “Elijah, promise me you’ll talk to me, let me know when you’re feeling like this,” I pleaded. I had to make him understand that I was there for him whenever he needed me to be.

  His eyes flicked to mine as tears filled his own. “I just missed you so much—the coffee shop—the way you looked at me—it hurt. I just got so tired of missing you. I just wanted to take my mind of it for a few hours . . .”

  “Elijah, will you tell me what you meant last night about it always being inevitable that people would leave you?”

  His eyes dropped down and a frown quickly crossed his face. “Not right now, Iz.” I could tell from the guarded look he gave me that pursuing it right now was not an option. But I needed him to know I was there for him should he ever wish to offload.

  “Well, I hope one day you will. I need for you to know you can trust me with your secrets too.” After all he had shared enough of mine, I wanted to feel like he could do the same with me.

  “I will, just not now.” There was a finality to his voice that warned me to drop it. For the sake of causing him any more pain I would for now.

  “Okay, I’ll let you be, but I’m not giving up.” I smiled, hoping he’d see that I was in this for the long haul.

  “I wouldn’t expect you to.” He winked back and I could see a spark of the old Elijah coming back.

  “Well, that’s why I’m your best friend.”

  His eyes dropped down, and he bit his lip before hesitantly looking back up. “Are you though? I wasn’t sure—”

  “Hey, best friends forever, right?” I asked, feeling hopeful. There was no other person that could take his place. He had become such a big part of my life, the thought of losing him was something I couldn’t even consider.

  A huge grin spread across his face. “It’s so good to have you back.” He pulled me into a tight hug, almost squeezing the life out of me.

  “Good to be back, and if you remember we have a date watching The Notebook later on.”

  “Yeah . . . about that, we may need to watch that at yours . . . I kind of snapped my DVD in rage after leaving Starbucks.”

  I snorted at his admission. “I don’t blame you. I was a complete bitch that day.” I truly was and felt the guilt beginning to take over again at the reminder.

  “You were, but I shouldn’t have meddled. If the shoe was on the other foot and someone tried to make me date again, I would have reacted exactly the same. I promise never to meddle again.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, like that’s going to last long.”

  He grinned knowing that would never be a possibility. “You’re probably right, but you aren’t getting rid of me again.”

  I sighed with relief. “I wouldn’t even try.”

  “What time is it?” he asked.

  I clicked on my phone. “Just after six, we should try to get some sleep.” I could feel the weariness taking over once more.

  “Hmmm, maybe forty winks,” he said, settling himself back down.

  I snuggled up next to him, our bodies curled against each other as we felt the heavy weight of the pain we’d carried begin to lighten. I was glad we had resolved the situation, he was my best friend and without him my life was incomplete.

  * * *

  “Err, should I be worried?” Sam asked, as we both slowly roused from our sleep to find our bodies tangled together. We both laughed at the situation, it certainly put a lighter spin on what we’d had to deal with the night before.

  “As much as I love Izzy’s hot rocking little body, she is missing a vital part that I’m very partial to.” My cheeks instantly heated as Sam and Elijah’s eyes filled with lust. God, they were so in love it was almost sickening.

  “I was worried when I woke up and found you gone.” Sam climbed in beside Elijah, wrapping his body around his. There was still fear inside Sam’s eyes; last night had been traumatic for us both.

  “I’m so sorry, Sam. I promise I’ll never do it again. I was just so down about Iz, it brought back old demons I thought I’d long laid to rest.”

  “Will you talk to me about them, please? Let me share the burden,” Sam asked, almost pleading for Elijah to just let him in.

  Elijah turned to face him with a look of conflict there in his eyes. “One day I promise, but right now I want the strongest coffee you can make and some paracetamol.”

  We both laughed together, only imagining the kind of hangover he was dealing with. I didn’t envy him in any way.

  * * *

  “So this is the guy you were raving about?”

  Elijah and I both turned to glare at Ryan, not only had he rudely invited himself around in the middle of The Notebook, but he now had the audacity to say Ryan Gosling was not hot.

  The cheek!

  Yes, we didn’t expect him to fancy him, but there was no denying as a male he had to admit Ryan Gosling lucked out in the hot stakes.

  “Err, Ryan, you’d better not be talking about Ryan Gosling as I swear I will beat you with this textbook for ever uttering those filthy words.”

  I burst out laughing at Elijah’s straight face; he really took his crushes very seriously.

  “But he ain’t all—”

  I quickly covered Ryan’s mouth to try to save him from a battering. If he carried on down that path, Elijah would not be responsible for his actions. “Ryan, I think it’s best you keep schtum throughout.” I threw him a chocolate bar. “There, that should keep you quiet for a while.”

  He gave me a cheeky grin as he took a huge bite. Jeez, by the way he was scarfing it down, it wouldn’t keep him occupied for long.

  When Ryan took his shirt off the other Ryan left the room, he said it was to make a coffee, but we knew better.

  “I swear to god, Izzy, if he makes one more murmur about Ryan, I will physically strangle him with my bare hands.”

  I laughed even though a part of me knew he wasn’t kidding.

  “I think he feels threatened,” I replied, trying to diffuse the situation.

  “So he should be; he could only dream to be that hot.”

  “Ryan is cute though, you can’t deny that.”

  Oh god. Why the hell did I say that?

  “So you’re finally admitting there is an attraction there.” Elijah’s eyes widened, waiting for an answer. I had tripped myself up with my stupid admission, but it wasn’t in the way Elijah was insinuating, nothing had changed on that front.

  “Elijah,” I warned.

  “Okay, okay. I’ll keep it zipped as we’ve only just made up, and I can’t lose you again.”

  I smiled, snuggling into his side, as he pulled me in tighter.

  “Love you, Iz.”

  I sighed at his sweet words. “I love you too.”

  “But I may love Ryan even more.” His eyes once more turned to the television, grinning his approval just as the other Ryan walked in with a mug in hand and a handful of biscuits.

  “Helped yourself I see.” I motioned with my head towards his hand. He grinned in response until he turned towards the television.

  “Oh god, has he still got his top off?”

  “Right that’s it!” Elijah snapped and lobbed a pillow in his direction.

  Oh well, we did warn him.

  * * *

  “So you see this is the place to hang out if you want to meet hot people,” Elijah concluded as all three of us sat on the bench in the park watching as the world strolled by. It was a lovely spring day and the temperature had taken an unexpected turn, so everyone was out flashing some flesh. We were sat discussing on a scale of one to
ten how hot people were. It was not something I enjoyed doing, always feeling more of a six myself. But Ryan and Elijah were more than happy to keep going, always going into far more detail than what was needed.

  “The best piece of perving advice I can offer you both is to wear sunglasses, that way no one will ever guess where your eyes are looking.”

  I knew exactly where his eyes were fixed on—something further south.

  “Ahh, so that’s the reason for the sunglasses, so happy you explained that,” I muttered sarcastically, taking another sip of my caramel latte.

  “Drink up, Iz, you need something to sweeten that acidic tongue of yours.”

  I stuck my tongue out in retaliation, and he laughed before continuing with his perving.

  A cute guy came into view, and we both immediately sat up. Even I could see he was hot, despite the fact that I wasn’t remotely interested in men.

  “Dear lord, he is freaking hot!”

  “I have to agree,” I remarked, still unable to tear my eyes away.

  Elijah’s face snapped around to mine. “Bloody hell, Iz, he is definitely hot if even you are noticing.”

  “Ha bloody ha,” I replied, pulling a face at his teasing words.

  “I don’t see the attraction myself,” Ryan muttered sulkily, he was not impressed by the fact this guy was holding both of our attention.

  “Then you seriously need glasses, my friend. Jeez, the things I could do to him with my tongue.”

  I really didn’t want him to finish that sentence.

  “Elijah,” Ryan snapped, but it was beyond useless trying to get Elijah to pipe down when there was a hot guy within metres. Ryan shot him a look of disgust, but Elijah remained oblivious to it all. His eyes and thoughts were on one thing only.

  I could feel Ryan’s eyes bore into me. Truthfully I wasn’t interested, but it felt good to be out, to feel something again. The last few months had been hard, and I hadn’t made it any easier on myself. But in the last few minutes I began to see some sort of resemblance of life, I never thought I’d see again.

  “I think you’ve got enough pictures,” Ryan mumbled sarcastically to an overly enthusiastic Elijah who was busy snapping away.

  I laughed at how Elijah liked to make sure he had covered all angles. The guy eventually looked our way, so Elijah discretely pretended like he was texting and not totally devouring and snapping every single inch of him.

  He smiled and Elijah grinned back, taking it as a welcoming sign. Ryan scowled, noticing his eyes were actually looking in my direction. I blushed slightly, not welcoming the unwanted attention. It was great to be out with my friends, but I was nowhere near ready for that kind of interaction.

  I dropped my gaze down, starting to feel a little sick and felt Ryan’s hand brush against my back.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, looking a little worried.

  I sighed and then smiled at his concern. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  His eyes held mine for a little longer to double check before they looked over at Elijah, who was still oblivious.

  “You know, guys, I think he’s definitely interested, maybe I could persuade Sam to make the fantasy threesome real.”

  Ryan shot a look at Elijah. “Err, Elijah, the guy is straight.” Ryan started laughing while Elijah pulled a ‘yeah right’ face.

  “Err, Ryan, I think I have way better gaydar than you, he is definitely liking what he is seeing right now. Oh god, he’s heading this way. Ryan, keep your mouth shut, and do not ruin this for me.” He glared at him as a warning.

  Ryan held up his hands in surrender. “Fine, but I think you’ll find you are so wrong.” He instantly looked smug, only imagining just what was about to happen.

  My stomach dropped when his eyes locked onto mine. He hesitated slightly, licking his lips, walking the last few steps. “Hey, I’m Chris, sorry but I couldn’t help notice you were looking over, so I thought I’d come over to say hello.”

  My eyebrows lifted in surprise as Elijah’s smile grew wider.

  “Oh we were watching alright, impressive guns, do you work out a lot? I may have to sign up at your gym, maybe we could work out together? I could maybe get your number?”

  Chris’s eyes widened at Elijah’s blatant flirtation as Ryan sniggered beside me. “Thanks for the offer, but I actually wanted to get your number.” His eyes flicked to mine.

  Oh god, this was not happening.

  “Actually mate, she’s taken, isn’t that right, Iz?”

  What the hell?

  My eyes snapped to Ryan, who subtly gave me a look to show he was actually rescuing me in my hour of need.

  “Err yeah, sorry.”

  Chris frowned and shuffled around nervously.

  “Seriously, you aren’t even bi?” Elijah asked as all of our mouths dropped open in surprise at his directness.

  “No mate, completely straight,” he replied, beginning to back off.

  “Well, what a waste.”

  Chris’s eyes widened at Elijah’s response. “I think I might just . . .”

  We watched in amusement as Chris practically legged it away from us. I really didn’t blame him, Elijah was almost ready to pounce.

  ‘Well, I hate to say I told you so,” Ryan chimed in, taking great pleasure from Elijah’s mistake.

  “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, my gaydar is completely off. Maybe I’m coming down with something?”

  “Yeah, that’s the reason why,” Ryan retorted, rolling his eyes.

  I dug Ryan in the ribs, I knew he was enjoying ribbing Elijah but it had gone too far now. Elijah’s face held a look that made me feel concerned.

  “Oww Iz, knock it off.” He rubbed his side, sending a glare my way.

  “Elijah, are you and Sam okay?” Was something going on between them that he didn’t feel he could share?

  He frowned at my words. “Yeah, why do you ask?”

  “Well you’re flirting with another guy, wouldn’t Sam mind?”

  I knew I certainly would.

  He turned to face me. “Izzy, we flirt with other guys all the time.”

  “Really?” I asked in disbelief. He said it in such a matter of fact way, it almost knocked me sideways.

  “I would not be happy with that,” Ryan piped up, and I had to agree.

  “Oh it’s just flirting, window shopping.” Elijah waved his hand dismissively like it was something simple like buying a new pair of shoes.

  “Didn’t sound like it . . .” Ryan mumbled, but he’d said it loud enough for Elijah to hear.

  “Look Ryan, not that it’s got anything to do with you, but I am monogamous to Sam, if we did bring anyone in then it would be on both of us agreeing.”

  Ryan instantly reacted to Elijah’s sharp words. “Okay, jeez, keep your hair on. I don’t need to hear the ins and outs of your sex life.”

  “Ryan, go get us some ice cream.” I held out some money to him. It was really a quick way of trying to diffuse the situation before it got to boiling point status.

  “But I don’t even want any . . .”

  “Just go!” I snapped.

  Ryan walked off in a huff, and I turned back to face Elijah. “Are you sure you’re okay? You know you can tell me.”

  His face dropped slightly, and I could see there was something he wasn’t quite telling me. “I don’t like to burden you with my problems. You have enough to contend with . . .”

  Burden?

  “Hey, I’m here for you always, you’ve more than helped me through the bad times.” I felt sad he didn’t think he could turn to me.

  “It’s Sam, I’m hardly seeing him lately. He’s working long hours and then he’s too tired. I guess I’m feeling a little neglected. I shouldn’t whine but you know me, I’m not someone who likes being ignored. I don’t enjoy being last on his list. I guess the flirting today made me feel special. I don’t miss the old days as I love Sam and we are happy, but I miss the attention, the electricity, the flirting. It makes me feel something, it
just makes me feel wanted.”

  “Have you talked to Sam and told him how you feel?” I asked, already knowing his answer.

  “I don’t want to bother him, his workload has been so heavy, and he’s been working long days. It’s just me being selfish, forget about it.” He shrugged like it was just something minor, but I could see the impact it was having on him.

  “What if we throw in a few more movie nights? Some sexy half naked men might bring a smile to that gorgeous face.”

  Elijah’s face instantly brightened. “Well Channing, Bradley and Ryan sure make me smile.”

  “I make you smile?” Ryan asked, looking confused as he approached us with the ice-cream in hand.

  “Dream on . . .” Elijah snorted.

  “Here, I got you extra sprinkles.” He stuck out his tongue, shooting him a wink as an apology.

  “Thanks, I guess you can come to our movie nights if you want,” he said begrudgingly like he was doing him a favour.

  “Will there be men constantly taking their clothes off?”

  I started to chuckle at Ryan’s idiotic question, it was Elijah, of course there would be.

  “Yes.” Elijah grinned.

  “Then I’ll pass.” Ryan huffed.

  “We’ll invite you to the horror ones, but I think the first one has got to be Magic Mike.” Elijah smacked his lips together like he was already salivating at the thought of a load of half naked dancing men.

  “Oh god, then I’ll definitely pass.” Ryan looked horrified at the very thought.

  “More Channing for us then, sweetie.” Elijah gave me a wink, and I smiled. I was starting to feel like things were beginning to get back to normal. I knew he was feeling slightly neglected with my newfound friendship with Ryan so I needed to spend time with him alone to reinforce how much I valued him.

  * * *

  “Oh good lord, this film never gets old. I wish Channing would do a private performance for us,” Elijah remarked, ejecting the disc from the DVD player.

  “Now that I’d enjoy.”

  Maybe a little too much.